So recently (like yesterday or the day before) it finally hit me that I’m leaving.

Trying to verbalize how my mind has been acting is proving to be a difficult task.

I’m not scared about meeting new people and doing new things in college. When I think about that, I just get excited and say to myself “this is going to be big. this is going to be what you’ve been looking for, the thing that’s going to push you, the thing that’s going to help become the person you’ve struggled to be.”

I’ve been doing my best to focus on that, but I continue to drift back to the thoughts of not going, but leaving.

Leaving scares the shit out of me.

Leaving behind this place, leaving behind people, leaving behind a life that, in some respects, hasn’t played itself out completely.

I know this isn’t the end of my life here, but I still can’t help but fear that I’m going to lose people, or at least lose some of that connection with them.

I have no idea what the distance and the new lives and new people and all these exciting things are going to do to my relationships with people.

I know that true friendships should be able to overcome this, with no major issues, that I shouldn’t have to worry about losing the handful of friends that mean the most to me, yet I’m still terrified that things won’t be the same.

I think that’s the best I can do for now.  I just hope that I’m able to find good balance of my new life with keeping in touch and maintaining things with those who are important to me.

This isn’t to say I’m depressed about leaving, and that this is all I’ve been thinking about, but it has been weighing on my mind a bit.  After getting these words out, I feel much better, and I hope that the next 12 days are just filled with friends, home, love, and awesomeness, so I don’t think about leaving them too much, and then once I’m at school, I know I’ll be much better, and I’ll be able to see much more clearly how this will all pan out.